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Men at birth

There is an article about the impact on fathers of being at the birth in the main Sydney newspaper today. Written by a psychologist who sees men in therapy sessions, he describes how some are traumatised by seeing their partner give birth, especially when episiotomies are cut, or forceps are used.

For some men, seeing their partner giving birth deeply affects their view of her as a sexual being, especially if they had a full view of the baby emerging, perhaps through a vagina that had been cut open. The scarring that is left after an episiotomy may be a turn off too - a reminder of the genital mutilation (my words) that has been witnessed. Such intimate views can expose the mystery of a woman’s body goes, and perhaps remove the sexual allure that had attracted her partner.

I can vividly remember a birth in a hospital, now some years ago, where the father witnessed the obstetrician cutting a large episiotomy as the baby was born. His wife’s legs were then put into stirrups and the whole area, normally tucked away in a very private place, was laid bare, with a gaping wound seeping blood. His face showed his shock, and I remember wondering how he would later view his wife after seeing her in this undignified and very unromantic position.

I posted this link onto the ozmid list this morning to see what others thought of this issue. Several replies stated they thought that the basic problem was that the births being described took place in hospitals, a place where intimacy, romance and privacy are impossible to obtain. Men often feel uncomfortable in hospital settings at any time, and may feel much worse when placed in a position of impotence and then confronted by these kinds of brutal images. When birth takes place at home or other place where couples can work together to bring forth the baby, the lasting impression for the man might be more positive. In these situations it is unlikely that he will be a bystander and observer and much more likely that he will be closely involved in the birth, providing physical support and comfort. In a situation like this, it is also unlikely that the man will be left on his own, staring at his partner’s body being manhandled.

Michel Odent has suggested that women might want to maintain their sexual allure by keeping their men at a respectful distance during birth. This was always the case in the past, when birth was very much “women’s work”. I don’t think we should make any kind of blanket rule about men at birth because every couple and birth will be different. However, I do think we need to recognise that men can be severely traumatised by some aspects of birth management and they may need help in dealing with this. Left unrecognised and unacknowledged, his fears and concerns may hold sway over the choices his partner makes regarding her next birth. Many men have encouraged elective caesareans so they can avoid traumatic emotional and psychological reactions. This need may be unconscious or even openly expressed - either way it must be recognised and understood.

Posted by andrea at August 31, 2005 05:26 PM